Thank heaven for Dwayne Johnson, whose foot-wide smile will not be switched off, and who saves the life of the movie. Whether it deserves to be saved is another matter.
The idea of lifeguards playing detective is so fundamentally ridiculous that making fun of it never gets old.
Unlike the setup, the story founders and cramps like a tourist who swam too soon after an all-you-can-eat buffet, which is pretty much the only thing the filmmakers don't toss into the water by film's end.
Lower what little expectation you have going in and you'll still be disappointed.
The Rock is fun to watch, for a while at least. The rest is one big fat wallow in instant stupid.
Not even Zac Efron's abs can distract us from the fact that we are treading in shallow, shallow waters.
An example of lazy writing and direction with the vague hope that perhaps the involvement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson will attract viewers.
Baywatch the TV show was never particularly memorable. But save for a few penis jokes, Baywatch the movie serves as a reminder that sometimes an unremarkable past is better left alone.
At its best, this big-screen version of the fin de si�cle TV series evokes the rapture of the shallows. At its worst, where to begin?